i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
