when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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