I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
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