Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
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