Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Randomize
