I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Randomize
