I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
God, you're like boner-b-gone
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
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