I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
