If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
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