I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
