soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Text me some of your sweat
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
