Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Randomize
