Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize
