I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
