Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize
