I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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