I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Randomize
