You're a womanizer and a bitch.
i think my mom watched the whole time
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
