I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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