i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
and you said cock pushups were impossible
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
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