just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
