I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
