I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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