You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Randomize
