I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
