Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
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