Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
