jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Randomize
