Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
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