i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Randomize
