y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
