Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
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