eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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