there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Randomize