UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
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