I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
Farmville is her only friend.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
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