i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Randomize
