Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
my liver is dry heaving
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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