she takes plan B like it's going out of style
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
me + whiskey = a bad person
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
Randomize
