He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
