Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Randomize
