My room smells like vodka and shame
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
i think my cat just said my name.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Randomize
