Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
Randomize