OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Randomize
