I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Randomize
