I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
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