all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
Randomize
