It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Randomize
