I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
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