Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
