her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize