You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Randomize
