were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
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