She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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