They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
