I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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