Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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