I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
