is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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