Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Randomize
