i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
