But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
You ever have a fart follow you around?
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