Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
