Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Randomize
