I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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