what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
