If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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