What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
